funfunfun
A: Who's that guy? He sooo hot.B. Totally.A: Do you know him?B. yeah, a bit.A. Call him over. I'll prepare the hair toss.
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the sequel.....MOWhat do you mean? You'd never want to desexualize me? Am I that revolting?MikeNo! no, no, no.... I mean....MOI know my "pregnant look" is not all that attractive.MIKEI think you're...
View Articlewhups
Drunk Woman in Park: "Hey miss. Hey miss."(I ignore her.)Drunk Woman in Park: "Miss?"(I jump out of my park bench. She came up right up behind me.)Drunk Woman in Park: "Hahaha. That's so funny. Look...
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I'm a Good Little Girl
You don't mind if I do some more busywork while we are talking....no....You're an only child?No. I told you. I have two brothers. One sober for 14 years.Right.I did something terrible at his...
View ArticleWhen are you due?
When are you due?Reply: I'm due to kick someone's ass. Shall it be you? (No, that's not nice.) Reply: Now, now. I think it's NOW. Owwww! (Then I laugh like a cwazy-lady and walk away.)How many...
View ArticleThe Art Model
Hi. It's me. The model?C'mon in, my dear. Please have a seat. It's you! Professor. I'm in your class. You said your name was Leo Bloom on Craigslist.Don't believe everything you read. Or perhaps you...
View ArticleTh Confession
Hi, Father. It's been 12 years since my last confession.hmmm.It's Easter. So I thought I would give this a shot. I'm very ill, Father. Physically. Mentally. And I'm scared.I see.You do?I...
View Articlecrazy folk
Can I buy a cigarette from you?No.Why not?I roll my own. I only brought enough for myself.I'll give you money.I don't want your money.You moving your purse. You afraid of me?If you have money, why...
View ArticlePush My Buttons
Hi babe. Wow. You are just the person i was looking for. Can I talk to you for a few minutes, somewhere private?Here, good?I really need to talk.i don't want to lose my seat. Ooh. There's that cute...
View ArticleWaiting For Prada
I hate the park. Too many people. Too many trees.Too many vermin.Vermin? Move your bag closer. I brought pepper spray.For rats?There are rats here too? I'm wearing my new mules.Rats are vermin.I...
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I asked the doctor. He says I need to get a script from a shrink.Did you ask him about the valium?He assured me it won't react with the valium, but since it's a mood-stabiliser, he's says I need a...
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All right now. Let's see your Catholic card....I was a martyr for the church. I am scorched and naked.I see that. We prefer a little more modest apparel here in heaven.I was stoned for being a...
View ArticleThe Pitch
I can't decide.You can decide later.Someone else might take it.I've had a lot of interest.It's certainly interesting.I've only made one offer.To me?You seem to be the right fit.My indecisiveness?You...
View ArticleHow 'bout them Rangers?
I've got a gun.Good for you.I could shoot you.You could.I can.I know.I will.OK.Aren't you afraid?Maybe.Are you afraid of me or afraid of death?I'm not afraid of fear.Then what are you afraid...
View Articleunreadable
This is not legible.It's not written right?Right.Write what?It's not readable.So what should I write?I just need to read it.Can I borrow your pen?What's wrong with your pen?You said it didn't write...
View Articlecrack is whack
Why did you say that to me?(silence)Perhaps because you are a self-righteous cunt?Yes! I AM a cunt and you have been harassing me for 2 weeks.Harassing... you? Yes.You've been pouting for 2 weeks.It's...
View ArticleFeeding the Meter
I thought you had to work today.Don't you have to go and feed the meter?I have some time.I don't want you to get a ticket.Thanks. (pause) You are gonna be here all day?I need to feed my own meter.Huh?I...
View ArticleLord, Make Me a Vessel Of thy Peace
Where there is harmony, let me bring....So what did she say about me?We didn't talk about you.What did you talk about?Me, mostly. I'm selfish.She didn't talk about herself?I'm so selfish.She's selfish....
View ArticleSchizos can be terrifying
I'm nuts. Everyone hates a nut.I love nuts. They're my favorite food.Everyone hates sick people.It's your choice to be angry about it.What do you know about being sick?Actually....Homosexuals are...
View ArticleInterview at the office of Practical Prgramming
"and how is your relationship with your mother?"Same replies, "pretty good."The interviewers at the Office of Participatory Provisionary Practitudal Programming take down notes and turn to one another...
View Article'Twas The Night Before Christmas - rewrite 2008
[Mrs. Claus is talking.]'Twas the Night before ChristmasAnd all through the houseNot a creature was stirringNot even that fat mouse.I said, "Look, my luffGet off a' your duffThere's so much to doA...
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aworks for me.bbut I can't NOT think about it.atry a little harder.bthat's the answer, just pretend it never happened.acould do.bseems to me that YOU are hiding something.ai'm tired is all.bi thought...
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